Nikki Glaser Just Crushed Her Opening Monologue

After last year’s Golden Globes host Jo Koy was largely pummeled by critics and viewers alike—critique ranged from claims of tone-def jokes to calls for a better writers room—some (including this writer in this piece) questioned whether big awards shows need a host at all.

Stand-up comic and savage roast queen Nikki Glaser dispelled that idea in the 9:49-minute span of her opening monologue.

Kicking off by calling the awards “Ozempic’s biggest night,” Glaser gleefully scanned the room calling out star after star with witty, topical, and, yes, funny banter that hit the right notes with the star-studded crowd.

She had quips for Harrison Ford, Benny Blanco’s good fortune to be engaged to Selena Gomez, and Timothee Chalamet’s mustache—and got Adam Sandler to Sandler-ize the pronunciation of his name from the audience. She took swipes at Ben Affleck and Diddy.

Of the latter, while referencing Zendaya-starring film Challengers, she said: “That movie was more sexually charged than Diddy’s credit card,” she quipped. “I mean, seriously, I’m upset too. The after party isn’t going to be as good this year, but we have to move on.

She referenced shows The Bear, The Penguin and Baby Reindeer as “not just things found in RFK’s freezer,” and didn’t hold back her fear of what’s coming with another Trump presidency, asking Ariana Grande to hold her finger for comfort.

Even the moment that may have fallen, her calling Adrien Brody a two-time Holocaust survivor—the actor is nominated this year for The Brutalist and starred in 2003 film The Pianist—sailed through. Brody laughed and blew a kiss.

And she ended with this bit: “The point of making art is not winning an award. The point of making art is to start a tequila brand so popular you never have to make art again.”

To all that we say, Welcome Nikki. Thanks for reminding us that when you’ve got the right person, who understands the assignment and can execute with prowess, the results are magic. Though she’s not a bucket-lister, Glaser has been mastering her material and delivery on the road through dozens of shows, not to mention several high-profile television moments last year.

Speaking a few weeks ago at a media event, she said, “I feel really ready. I just know it’ll be killer.”

Glaser makes history as the first female to emcee the show solo. Her comedic muses, Tina Fey and Amy Pohler, hosted the Globes as a team four times—from 2013-2015 and again in 2021—but this year marks the first time a woman has hosting duties all her own.

And to be sure, there’s a lot riding on her ability to keep laughs coming and eyeballs trained on an awards show that’s battle-bruised to put it mildly. CBS, the awards’ current broadcast home, touted “television’s wildest awards show” in ads over the weekend, a nod perhaps to the days before the Globes and its former purveyor the Hollywood Foreign Press Association imploded in 2021 amid allegations including racism, sexism and corruption.

With a new owner in Dick Clark Productions and an overhaul of its governing body and membership, if the goal is to keep the Globes’ historic ethos of whimsy while reestablishing it as a serious barometer at the opening of awards season, they chose wisely with Glaser this year. This woman doesn’t shy from the chance to eviscerate pop culture moments, to share eyebrow-raising observations on the political landscape and to dabble in sexual innuendo.

Those skills shone brightly during Netflix’s Tom Brady roast last May in the performance that launched her into a new air and caught the attention of the Globes producers. Her 2024 HBO standup special “Someday You’ll Die” set a streaming record for the network and earned her a Golden Globe nomination this year.

Ahead of the awards gala, Glaser shared one topic she wasn’t going to touch. Despite its prevalence in Hollywood headlines, she said she would steer clear of joking about the Blake Lively-Justin Baldoni scandal surrounding the film It Ends With Us.