A Surefire Way To Destroy Executive Presence And Dim Career Prospects

It was five steps. Five steps tell the story of how a high-performing senior manager destroyed her executive presence and effectively dimmed her C-suite career prospects.

It took seeing Jane’s reaction to the incident that happened on those five steps to realize why she had failed to move from a department-head role to the C-suite. Jane’s executive presence failings came through loud and clear while she was running around on five steps in an office building.

This is a story of how an otherwise qualified senior manager destroyed her chances of promoting to the C-suite within a company she had worked for many years—and many years longer than the person (John) who got the job that she wanted.

What is executive presence?

For as much as executive presence is talked about, far too few really understand it. And even fewer demonstrate it in a consistent, authentic and meaningful way. Let’s start with what people keep getting wrong about executive presence.

Executive presence is not about commanding the space you’re in, and it is not about walking into a room and “owning it.” This inward notion of executive presence is faulty because it encapsulates it as being wholly about you.

With this view, it—executive presence—shows up because you showed up. It magically, and maybe even spellbindingly, just appears because it’s embodied within you—the very, very special you.

This notion of executive presence is faulty because, contrary to popular belief, it’s not really even about you. As I describe in this article on the eight (8) warning signs that you don’t have executive presence:

Executive presence is more about how other people experience you. And while it has something to do with confidence, executive presence is less about how confident you are in your own abilities than it is in how confident others are in your abilities. Executive presence is a reflection of how willing others are to engage with and do business with you. It reflects the level of credibility that others ascribe to you.

To the extent that executive presence is about you, it is about your ability to induce others to respect you. It is about your ability to inspire others to listen to you. It is about your ability to help others become comfortable approaching you. And, it is about your ability to elicit the trust necessary for others to seek you out for advice.

A surefire way to destroy executive presence.

Apologizing too much. Yes, apologizing too much, for the wrong reasons or in the wrong ways destroys executive presence.

Now back to those five steps.

While running late to a mandatory executive meeting, John (a senior manager) accidently bumped into Jane (his counterpart who was walking to the same meeting). The minor collision led to John dropping all of his notebooks, papers and coffee down five steps.

Jane, who was taken aback by the encounter, proceeded to walk down the steps to help John gather his things and clean up the coffee.

John mentioned that he would now be late for the meeting before appropriately apologizing to Jane for bumping into her. And, though Jane had not done anything to cause the incident, she apologized profusely to John for the mess and for feeling bad that he would be late for the meeting. Jane decided to stay and help John collect his belongings and clean up. Ultimately, they both arrived late to the meeting.

That encounter—what happened on those five steps—has remained with me for more than six years. As a bystander, I witnessed this incident and wondered how it could be that Jane expressed such open regret and felt a need to apologize.

It still sticks with me that the person who had done absolutely nothing wrong felt a need to apologize for the actions of her counterpart. It was indeed baffling and prompted me to deliberate these six questions:

1. Why did Jane feel compelled to apologize at all?
2. What was happening inside Jane that compelled her to say “sorry” multiple times?
3. Why did Jane so willingly subordinate herself even when she had not created the problem?
4. Why did Jane decide to stay behind and help John clean his mess even though it meant she’d be late to the meeting (a meeting where the CEO scolded managers who arrived late)?
5. Would John had responded similarly if the situation had been reversed? Would he had felt the need to profusely apologize to Jane for Jane’s mistake?
6. Would John had chosen to be late to the meeting so that he could help Jane clean up her mess?

Definitive answers to these questions are likely unknowable. However, when I consider the observations and conversations I had within the organization at the time, the career results for both John and Jane and the research and practice I’ve committed, it’s reasonable to infer that Jane’s perpetual apologizing certainly diminished her executive presence and, ultimately, limited her career progression.

Executive presence failures diminish career prospects.

In part, because of apologizing too much, too often and for the wrong things, Jane diminished her own career advancement. Saying sorry all the time (and especially inappropriately when you don’t even do anything wrong) makes it difficult for others to see you as a leader or experience you as exhibiting executive presence.

When a promotional opportunity arose at the company, both John and Jane applied for it. Jane had several more years of work experience than John and had been at this particular company three years longer than John. Though they both had exceptional educational credentials, Jane had been in senior management longer.

They both applied for the C-suite role, and they both were interviewed. John—despite Jane’s longer history with the company and performance success in management—was promoted to the C-suite. Jane remained a senior manager and was told how helpful she was and how everyone appreciated the value she added to the team.

Regardless of why Jane unnecessarily subordinated herself, she failed to get her colleagues and supervisor to view her as the kind of leader they wanted on the executive team. While she was deemed a high performer, she was not deemed a credible C-suite leader.

And, while she was considered a team player and thought to add value to organizational success, she did not inspire the kind of confidence that is reflected by executive presence.

Executive presence is a career difference maker.

What was apparent after months of additional observations was that John was considered more a go-to person for results. John was perceived as exhibiting a high level of executive presence. John was viewed as a leader who should be promoted to the C-suite.

Jane was considered very nice and friendly. Jane was perceived as exhibiting a warm and calming presence and became a relied upon as the go-to person for help and support. Jane was viewed as a reliable friend who would do whatever she could to help others get ahead.

• Jane did not instill confidence in others to believe in her abilities.
• Others within the organization (particularly the CEO and the executive team) failed to translate Jane’s contributions and performance successes to be of value for the benefit or good of the C-suite.
• Jane was not viewed to exhibit meaningful leadership credibility.
• There existed a trust gap with Jane that did not exist for John.

Take note: while executive presence is less about you than it is about how others experience you, it does require you to do the following things consistently and intentionally.

You need to show up with confidence and be assertive. It’s important that you demonstrate leadership in a respectful and authoritative manner that inspires credibility and fills any gaps in trust. And, it’s important that you are comfortable taking up space in the world and that you believe you belong in the room.

Finally, you should know and demonstrate your value, and boldly own your power to lead and make an impact.

Recommended reading:

This Is The Phrase That Instantly Damages Your Leadership Integrity

This Is How To Be An Effective Decision Maker: A Leadership Imperative

Nail The Interview: Answer ‘Why Should We Hire You’ Like A Pro

Executive Presence: 8 Warning Signs That You Don’t Have It