Many men have a wee problem: They step up to a public urinal, open their fly and someone steps up to a urinal beside them. Then they can’t get the flow to go. Why?
Dr Enno Maass, a psychotherapist based in Germany, answers some questions about this peculiar phenomenon.
Why are many men unable to urinate, although they have the urge to do so, if someone is standing beside them?
Maass: In order to pass urine, your urethral sphincter muscles need to relax. This happens only when you’re fairly relaxed yourself. Standing at a urinal is quite a private matter, since your sexual organ is out in the open. And someone urinating next to you can disturb your privacy.
If you then tense up, your mind often starts to kick in. You think: “I’ve been standing here a while now and haven’t peed at all. Maybe the bloke next to me is wondering what it is I’m here for.” This makes you tense up even more, and it becomes more difficult for your urethral sphincter muscles to relax.
A mental block that triggers a physical blockage, in other words?
Maass: It can be seen as a little mental block. In the proper sense, mental blocks often occur in situations of high mental pressure – during an exam, for example. You think of failing and then your mind goes blank. You’re being evaluated and seize up.
The situation at a urinal is somewhat similar. It can be thinking you’re unable to perform, as it were, while the man next to you has no problem. You may also worry that you’re holding up others who are waiting to pee. This puts you under pressure, and also causes feelings of anxiety and shame in some men.
There’s nothing shameful about needing privacy to pee, though. You’d think it would be easy to address, but it seems it’s not that simple. It’s basically an innocuous matter that’s hardly talked about because it’s so embarrassing.
If it develops into a full-blown anxiety disorder and has a major impact on quality of life, the condition is called paruresis [aka shy bladder syndrome or “bashful bladder”]. Psychotherapy can help.
Is there a way to somehow trick your mind into letting the urine flow?
Maass: If you manage to mentally detach yourself from the situation, for example by focusing on the pattern of the tiles on the wall, it can help you to loosen up. Or you can close your eyes and take deep breaths. It’s also a question of your tolerance level – some men head directly to a toilet stall.
Psychologist Dr. Enno Maass says that given how hard it is to talk about urinal problems, it’s often difficult for men to find a solution to problems with peeing in public. PVW/dpa
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